Swallowing Pride often gets stuck in my throat… Doing the ‘Death Crawl’

There are few things more sobering than reading a book where one of your ‘not so good traits’ is being explained in negative detail.  Well, in reading “Wife after God” the other day I was very convicted as she told a story about a husband and wife in the middle of an argument.  Doors slamming and blinding pride kept both parties from finding a solution.  I see myself in that situation, blinded by who is right instead of taking steps toward a solution, how about you?  Honestly, it’s much easier to see when my husband is prideful than see it in myself, but I too act very prideful at times.

Pride – a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

There are many bible verses warning us about pride’s harm to our lives and the inability to love as Jesus loves when we’re ruled by it.  Humility is the opposite of selfish pride.  Please don’t misunderstand humility though.  Humility doesn’t mean that you put yourself down, it’s that you lift other up.

Pride usually gets in my way when it comes to keeping things orderly, organized, and controlled.  When my family wants to add something more to ‘my plate’ (aka our plate) I take up a prideful stance of “how do you envision this happening when there is already so much going on…”  I take great pride in having our home run smooth. However, I’m also learning to let Go and trust God and stop seeking my way all the time.

The thing I wrestle with in letting go and letting God, is that to me, letting go feels way too much like irresponsibility 

In trusting God, I’m trying to release the feelings that creep up and tell me I’m irresponsible.  I am still doing everything I always do; I’m just not doing it with such a black and white mindset.  I keep going, I swallow my selfish wants and take step after step in trust, pouring out love.  Sometimes in grumbling trust, but the more I trust, the more I see His hand in everything.  It’s hard to keep grumbling when he continues to provide and follow through with faithfulness as I give him my faithfulness of trust.

Yesterday was a day of pride swallowing, fear stuffing, and mouth guarding.  We picked up a new horse.  Honestly, I wasn’t ready for one.  I haven’t even begun to understand or control my horse, and now my husband wants to add another one.  Oh, pride was very very high yesterday.  A little history – I have never been around horses until the last 6-8 months.  Now we have two.  The reason I wanted a horse was that I wanted something that was mine on the farm. Something I could do, on my own and have fun.

As a mom, stepmom and wife  – alone time is hard to find.  So, my horse was that time, a hobby I could pour into.  Now that we have two horses, it will no longer be my thing but a family thing.  Now my ‘free fun time’ feels like the pressure and work that every other area of my life feels like.   Even if it does stay more my thing, the workload increases a lot, and I already feel like I have too many things on my plate. See, can you hear the pride and selfishness… Eek!

So after we pick up the horse – who mind you almost took me out completely because she is so strong- I did all I could not break out in tears and anger.  I don’t know how to train a horse, it takes all I have to train Mac.  I’m wondering how this is going to work, how I’ll have enough time, will I lose my hobby fun… I sat quietly as my husband drove home and told him that I didn’t have much to say other than I am anxious and nervous.

Love does not seek its own way – My Continued Filter

See, pride gets in the way of finding out what we’re capable of.  My family deserves to be part of this horse adventure I’m on, we are a family.  If I were to seek my own way, I’d keep them from that.  If I had sought my own way in the car with my husband after we picked up the horse, I would have regretted it and probably would have hurt his feelings.

Today as I let Mac out with Seeka they greeted each other happily and dove into their grain. They seem happy, and it is still my thing and my hobby, now I GET to share with my family.

Humility doesn’t mean you put yourself down

Humility means that you build others up.

God requires more of us, and if we let pride take over, we hinder His ability to stretch us and show us what else we have in our tank and what He is teaching and equipping us with.

Did you ever see that movie ‘Fighting the Giants‘? Watch this clip, please: Death Crawl

When we decide to ‘see’ our lives through our eyes and abilities, we quit when it’s good enough or right when it starts to get uncomfortable. Pride and fear stop us from giving more.  When we let God take over our vision, we stretch, we keep pushing as He encourages us with his power and words of hope and love. When things get scary we can’t lean on our vision we need to lean on God’s and trust his plans.  We give our best, pour out love, and that is when we humbly see the greatness of God and the amazing way he created us.

Please Watch the clip of the death crawl above. Let God be your coach and your strength… He requires more of you because he knows you can do it and He will continue to equip you with all you need.  So trust Him, swallow your pride, and see what great things are ahead.

 

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